So when I was given this amazing opportunity to write for this blog, my mind began to race with different things that I could talk about. Like, on a real note, I was a bit overwhelmed and I began to ask God what should I say, what should the people hear. Let me just say the response that I got was not one that I wanted to hear, mostly because I personally feel like I sound like a broken record or like people get tired of hearing the same thing over again. HA! Silly me, right? Anywho, before you continue reading I’m going to need you to do 1 thing for me… Take a deep breath because what you’re about to read is the raw and transparent version of me. READY? HERE WE GO!
I still can’t fully grasp how death has yet to sting me and my faith somehow hasn’t failed me. I mean, I’m literally a miracle sent and kept by God even though I didn’t ask for it. When I was born, I was put in foster care and given up for adoption. My birth parents were both heavy drug addicts and were incapable of giving me the proper care that I needed. I was born with an incurable illness and the doctors told my parents that I wouldn’t live to see past my 3rd birthday. This disease caused me to become severely ill forcing me to make trips in and out of the hospitals and having to undergo blood transfusions. My parents, in seek of a miracle every time they were at a church service and the healing power of God was present, would go back to the seat in which my dad would pick me up, bring me to the altar and lay hands on me as an act of faith because they believed that God was still a healer. As the years went by, I struggled with my health to the point of nearly losing my life in multiple accounts. In the summer of 2011, the doctors and my parents thought that I was now old enough to be told the severity of the disease that I was living with and was now given a burden to carry that seemed to be the weight of the world.
For months after having the meeting with my doctors, I had such a difficult time coping with the reality of what was told to me and just couldn't seem to put the pieces together as to why it had to be me. Although I was already dealing with depression caused by several experiences that I underwent, one of the main causes was the fact that I was living the life of a child with special needs and was a prisoner to the disease that was attacking my body. Having this meeting was just basically putting a name to pain. In October of that same year my family and I attended a ladies conference in Yonkers, NY. I remember walking into the church with very minimal to little faith and expectation. After the praise team ministered and the offering was collected it came time for the preaching, and the anointed woman of God Jessica Marquez delivered a dynamic message. Right before the altar call took place I remember clearly she was under the unction of the Holy Spirit which led her to call some people out from the crowd and prophesy over them. She then singles me out and kind of drags me over to the altar without saying a single word. Shortly after that, she did the altar call and towards the end again a very unique unction and anointing from the Lord speaks through her directly to me, and because I allowed my ego and fear to overwhelm me, I missed the audible voice of God for that very critical season in my life. A few months later at the beginning of 2012 she came back to minister on a different occasion and spoke another Word of God over my life, but yet there was no change. The disease had scarred my entire life before I was even able to open my eyes for the first time, cycles of the trips in and out the hospital continued and I still have yet to be healed.
In August of 2014 at a doctor's appointment, I was told that my body could have become resistant to the medications that I was on and around that same time I had to deal with the pain of my family’s transition from one church to another and the fear of starting all over again. At this point, I was ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. The depression that I was facing for years before had become more severe and I walked around with that pain and bitterness without telling a single soul. These are the unadulterated facts, but I don't know if I am well equipped to walk you into the everyday pain I’ve felt. How do I depict the image at night where I would cry myself to sleep because I couldn't do what the rest of the youth were doing, or the frustration of having to take medication every single day and have people ask why is it that you take that, and respond to them "because I have to"? Or the annoying but frightening trips in and out the hospitals multiple times a month because my bones are too weak or a certain part of my body isn't functioning properly? How do I share the pain? How do I share the pain or paint a picture of how my heart would completely shatter each time I leave the room after my doctor would tell me that I have to continue my medication and until now the Lord has not intervened on my behalf. But there are three things I am certain of and that is that, I am a young lady living with a deadly disease and that my God is faithful and I am Perfectly Scarred.
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:9). I have learned through writing this chapter that without this scar, I would not be able to sit here and share my story in hopes that I am able to help somebody. If you are a young lady or just simply someone who has just stumbled upon this book, If you have been scarred by an illness or disease whether it be physical or spiritual, if you have been scarred by something someone has said or done to you, I want you to know that ALL things are working out for your good because even when we don’t see it, He is working. We serve a faithful, loyal, an all-powerful loving God who has handcrafted us to be Perfectly Scarred!
~Shantell
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